Thursday, March 3, 2011

Remembering....February 2010

February 2010 was the last time I saw my mom. I was approximately 6 weeks from my due-date with Jade and we traveled to my brother and sister-in-law's house to spend some family time. Wish I would have known it was the last time I would see my mom....I would have taken pictures, but I didn't. I would have imbedded each and every comment and memory of that day in my mind...I would have hugged her harder and much much much longer.

I remember so many things about that day and I know I hugged her with my entire heart because I did that everytime I saw her. We all sat around and played a game, which took hours of course. I don't recall what the game was called, but it had something to do with writing down the first thing that came to mind. I remember we were supposed to write down what we would name our monster if we had one and my mom and I both wrote down the same thing. I can't recall 100%, but I am 99% sure that we both wrote down Harry. It's funny that out of everything that probably went on that day, that was the one thing that really stuck out in my mind. Who would have thought that day was going to be the last time I saw my mom? I sure didn't.

I really don't think it ever gets easier as time passes when you lose someone so special to you. I think it just gets different. Your life changes. The way things used to be aren't the way they are now. It will never feel complete at family gatherings, and I guarentee I'm not the only one wishing Mom was here or thinking Mom would have said this..... I guess that's why God gave us the wonderful ability to adapt. If you don't adapt to the changes in your life or the things around are stuck behind and risk missing out on all the good things to come. But on days like this I really don't want to adapt. In fact, I want to go back to when my mom was still alive. I want to take my kids out to the farm and have her run out to greet them. I want to be able to call her with every little question I have about anything and everything or hear words of encouragement and hope. I want to see her kiss my girls on their necks like she always did, because that was her favorite place to kiss them.

Although I have all these wishes and wants that, undoubtably, won't happen, I do have 27 years I did have her around to celebrate. When I'm wondering why and getting angry and sad that she is gone it's a struggle to really look back and appreciate those years because they just seem to have been cut way too short.


  1. My heart is aching reading this post...I can't imagine how much you miss your mom but know you have many, many people who love you & are always there for you.

  2. Erin...Wow what a wake up call to me...I never really thought of it this way, that you only had your mom to be here with you for 27 years. I feel so very very fortunate I have had my mom for over 52 years. Seems so unfair to you, doesn't it? Those 27 years though made you the lovely young woman you are today...and you are part of what makes your mom live on. We will never ever forget just as we know you won't. She is with you every day...God bless you as we all keep cherishing the time we had with your mom. Love ya!! Aunt Shelli