Friday, March 11, 2011

Struggles Within

For as long as I can remember I have always been sure of one thing...I wanted to be a Mom. Not only a Mom, but a stay-at-home Mom. I was finally given that opportunity when we packed up and moved from Kansas City back to Nebraska last Fall. So why is it that after just 6 1/2 months of it, I'm thinking it's time to go back to work?

I have been struggling with these feelings now for about a month or so and I've tried to figure out what exactly is behind it all. Maybe it't because it's been cold and dreary (Winter) and I have been cooped up inside. Maybe it's the constant interaction with an almost 3 year old and an almost 1 year old, and the lack of interaction with adults. Or that my husband is worthless when he gets home because waking up at 2:00 and 3:00 am for work and returning at 5:00 or even 6:00 pm is starting to wear on him, but the job market just sucks. Or maybe it's the fact that I just can't stand to hear myself yell at my kids all day long....or at least what feels like all day long to me. Maybe it's all of those things together or maybe I don't have it figured out, but something has to change.

For the past month I have gone back and forth from wanting to stay at home, to wanting to return to work. Some days I would literally change the way I felt a hundred times. One thing is for sure. Being a stay-at-home mom is the by far the most challenging job I have encountered. And although there is no monetary exchange for all your hours and hard work, one thing can't be found at any other job.....precious, unforgettable time with my girls. And even after saying that, and truly feeling I can never get as much fullfillment in my life as time spent with my kids, I still think I want to return to work. Your guess is as good as mine.

1 comment:

  1. Oh Erin i hear ya :) its the winter.. this summer u will have so much fun being outside going to the splash park, pool and it will be great durng the winter i always think the same thing!! what also helps me is having g/f's that stay home and we get together quite often.. GL