Still Pregnant....4 days over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok...so I am officially 4 days past my due date and still feel as though there is no end in site. What's even more crazy is I actually feel pretty good other than having a stuffed up nose for about 3 weeks now. One of those colds that my body just can't seem to get over until after the baby comes I'm sure. My worries during this pregnancy started with the worry of having a small baby. I just didn't feel as big as my 2 previous pregnancies, but that could be because I was finally blessed with no swelling, which is actually pretty amazing considering this Summer was one of the hottest and we have no AC. This worry disappeared when I hit 36 weeks and was measuring 38. I'm pretty sure I'm up to 43 now so I guess maybe I should be worried about a big baby now. I'm guessing in the 7 pound range even though the doctor estimated 8 pounds this past Monday....I'm not feeling it though. Other worries....having to have a c-section and being induced. My brother's wedding is in 3 weeks and he already moved his wedding once for me. I was recently informed that he wasn't going to move it again so I'd better have this baby. No worries though....it will be here soon!!!! On an even more serious note though, is my worry of not having the one person I've forever ran to for comfort, support, inspiration and just the right words at the right time. Obviously I am referring to my Mom. Don't get me wrong, Brett is the best ever; however, NO ONE can replace your own Mother and this is just one of those important milestones that only a Mother can understand. It's been an internal struggle to not have the ability to call her with constant updates of the pregnancy, or more recently, those encouraging words she always seemed to say that would always put me at rest. My Mom was the first person I called after my girls were born....that won't happen. It just really breaks my heart all over again going through such a great miracle and not having her physically here to share it with. It's that feeling of...IT JUST ISN'T FAIR!!!!!!!

More Updates

Below are two pictures of the house when we first moved in. Brett has successfully completed some of my very important honey-do's before baby #3 arrives. Good thing my kids don't like coming early.

And here is the finished product. He did such a great job. I should give some credit to myself as well since I did all the painting of the trim. Might I add that painting the baseboards was NOT fun at all. Good thing this carpet is nothing special b/c I wasn't all that careful...IT WAS A PAIN!!!!

I had some major shopping I wanted to do and Brett thought we should all do a family vacation before the baby came, so we headed to Rapid City, SD and stayed in a hotel with a water park and then took the girls to Story Book Island. They had such a great time and I was successful with my shopping.

Libby started preschool this year, which was a very big deal. Brett couldn't get past the idea that he had a kid starting school and Libby was so excited. She goes in the afternoons from 11:50-3:15 and is usually very exhausted when she arrives home. If she happens to fall asleep on the couch for a nap, the evenings are much more enjoyable than one without a nap.

And....here I am just under 40 weeks. I am still feeling really well and just anxiously awaiting the arrival of this little girl or boy. Brett is predicting Monday September 17th as the arrival date so I guess we'll see.

SUMMER CATCH UP

I can't believe it is already the end of August. Where did summer go? It seems like we have been non-stop the whole summer...between family activities, things on Brett's list to get done and just trying to spend some fun outdoor time with the girls. We headed back East to spend time with family and friends. We were abeto to stop and see my brother's new house in York and then headed to Lincoln to see Brett's sister's 1st house that her and her husband purchased. In Lincoln we took the girls to a really neat kid-friendly place where the girls could run free and play. Here is a picture of the family in the Outer Space portion where you jumped into a bunch of foam cubes. I definitely had to have help getting out of there.

Unfortunately, while we were back someone broke into my dad's house. They didn't end up taking too much stuff; however they did get a jewelry box with my mom's wedding ring. Guess it could have been a lot worse. Can't figure out why they took the bag with all of the girls clothes, swim suits and bathroom stuff. Hopefully someone is getting some use out of it and it didn't just get thrown away. So, the next morning I headed to Walmart to purchase swim suits, underwear, etc. Then we headed to Hoffman's lake to spend some family/friend time. Here's some lake pictures.

We have also been able to spend some good quality time with Wes & Betsy's family. There is nothing better than watching cousins play together...and fight with each other :)

We can't forget the projects that have been going on. We purchased 4 new windows, which were greatly needed. We still had the original weighted rope windows in the house. Maybe next year we will get to do the upstairs. Here are some before pictures and during pictures. Brett is still working on getting the trim up as I have informed him it must be done before the baby comes....and that's only 3 weeks away. (He is actually working on it at this very moment)

Brett and Libby were both in the Box Butte County Fair Parade. My dad and Aunt Janis came down for the weekend so we were able to enjoy some fried fair food as well as the derby.

Let's not forget the garden...what a project. This garden is actually 3 different families, all with our own section. I tried to just take pictures of our section, but it's a pretty amazing garden done by all. I am definitely all squash, zucchini, pea and beaned out though.

Of course, as in every pregnancy, I decided I needed to chop my hair off so here are some photos of my hair cut/36 weeks pregnant photos for all to see. Definitely don't have as many pregnancy photos with this one.

And most recently, we had Brett's sister's baby shower, which was August 18th. This is her first baby and she has also decided to be surprised with the sex. I'm thinking a girl; however, everyone else is thinking boy.

Well, hope that catches everyone up. Soon we will be welcoming our 3rd baby (probably final). Brett claims he has come to terms with "the big man" that he is going to have 3 girls and just be totally outnumbered. Libby, on the other hand, is so sure that she will be getting a baby brother, that I'm constantly reminding her that we don't know if it's a boy or girl. Only time will tell.

PREGNANT

Obviously, by the looks of my pictures, We are expecting our 3rd baby. This photo was taken on Saturday July 7, 2012....I am 30 weeks pregnant. Once again, we do not know if we are having a boy or girl and as always, I have no feeling as to what it is. My due date is September 16th and so far the heat hasn't been too bad. Don't get me wrong it has been 100 degrees consistantly and to top it off, we have no air conditioning. We'll see how the rest of July and August go.

Plans to Post Again

I just wanted to post that I am planning on starting up on this again very soon :)

My Heart Hurt

I made a trip back home to support a dear friend of mine. Sadly, her dad passed away Wednesday September 21, 2011. This was the first funeral I was going to attend since my own Mom's....I was....nervous. I didn't know if I would be able to compose myself and be there for her in such a time of need, but I soon realized that although I inevitably thought of my Mom and how much I missed her, my friend was my main concern. My heart literally ached for my friend. It made me so incredibly sad and heartbroken to have to see her go through such a hurt and loss that I knew all to well. I wanted to be able to take her pain away so she would not have to feel the emptiness and loss of losing a parent. You know the saying "my heart hurt", my Mom's death was the first time that I truly "KNEW" what that meant. It literally meant MY HEART HURT. I wished more than anything that my friend did not have to feel that hurt.

LIFE IS GOOD. LOVE IS GREAT. FAITH and HOPE IS INDESCRIBABLE!

Western Nebraska Here We Come

Awww...finally a sigh of relief. Brett has started a new job as an agronomist with Westco in Alliance, NE. We are hoping to close on a house around the beginning of October and maybe...just maybe we will be able to settle down again.

We sure are blessed to have such a wonderful family. My dad took us in for about 6 weeks when we took the plunge and moved back to Nebraska from Missouri and now my mother/father-in-law are letting us invade their home for about 6 weeks. Now it's just the hastle of all the things that go along with moving.

And so...a new chapter is now opened!!

Patience

Once again it has been way too long since I sat down and rambled on, whether to vent or to talk to myself in a somewhat discrete way.
Unfortunately, Brett is still at his same job and is still hoping for the right opportunity to come along so we can finally try to "settle" down again. He does have some hopeful opportunities out there, we are just waiting. Both of us have been dealing with the "limbo" stage and our patience. I struggle with it much more than him, but I must give myself credit...I do much better now than I ever have.

So...now we just continue to pray and.....WAIT....YUCK.

Your Hands by JJ Heller sung and played by me

Shortly after my mom passed, a dear friend thought I might like this song...and she was right. From the first time I heard this song, I connected with it on so many levels. I have planned on doing something like this and finally yesterday afternoon when both girls were sleeping, I decided to grab my camera and guitar and headed to my stair-well...pressed record and here's what you get. Nothing professional, but definitely has feeling and emotion. Nothing more needs to be said really :)

ONE YEAR GONE

Today is April 10th. A day that will always be remembered by me, as well as so many other people. It's the day my Mom passed away. The day my life changed forever. The day my heart literally hurt. And...the day my Mom's pain went away.

April 10, 2010 was one year ago...one year ago. It just doesn't seem possible to me. Still, one year later I find myself almost daily having the urge to pick up the phone and tell her all the new things my girls are doing. Jade's walking. Libby's growing up to be such a little girl.

So today I not only morn the loss of my Mom, but I celebrate what a wonderful, beautiful, and special person she was.

Day at the Farm

Libby had been begging us to go to the Farm to see the cows...and "Papa and Uncle John". These two big guys are the bulls and Libby was so excited because she was able to pet them.




Libby and uncle John getting out of the cold wind with front row seats to all the baby calves. She would probably stay at the farm forever if we let her.

Happy Birthday Grandma Annie

Some of the grandkids let off balloons for Grandma Annie's Birthday. It was quite comical. Michaela and I were worried that they would let go of the balloons before we got any pictures of them, but much to our surprise we couldn't get them to let go. I guess we should have given them to Jade (the youngest). Finally, they were released and the wind blew them away...right into the trees, but it was a very special moment for all.



The pinwheel was a hit with the kids. Cash used it to hit the balloons and Libby just kept taking it out of the ground.

Struggles Within

For as long as I can remember I have always been sure of one thing...I wanted to be a Mom. Not only a Mom, but a stay-at-home Mom. I was finally given that opportunity when we packed up and moved from Kansas City back to Nebraska last Fall. So why is it that after just 6 1/2 months of it, I'm thinking it's time to go back to work?

I have been struggling with these feelings now for about a month or so and I've tried to figure out what exactly is behind it all. Maybe it't because it's been cold and dreary (Winter) and I have been cooped up inside. Maybe it's the constant interaction with an almost 3 year old and an almost 1 year old, and the lack of interaction with adults. Or that my husband is worthless when he gets home because waking up at 2:00 and 3:00 am for work and returning at 5:00 or even 6:00 pm is starting to wear on him, but the job market just sucks. Or maybe it's the fact that I just can't stand to hear myself yell at my kids all day long....or at least what feels like all day long to me. Maybe it's all of those things together or maybe I don't have it figured out, but something has to change.

For the past month I have gone back and forth from wanting to stay at home, to wanting to return to work. Some days I would literally change the way I felt a hundred times. One thing is for sure. Being a stay-at-home mom is the by far the most challenging job I have encountered. And although there is no monetary exchange for all your hours and hard work, one thing can't be found at any other job.....precious, unforgettable time with my girls. And even after saying that, and truly feeling I can never get as much fullfillment in my life as time spent with my kids, I still think I want to return to work. Your guess is as good as mine.

Remembering....February 2010

February 2010 was the last time I saw my mom. I was approximately 6 weeks from my due-date with Jade and we traveled to my brother and sister-in-law's house to spend some family time. Wish I would have known it was the last time I would see my mom....I would have taken pictures, but I didn't. I would have imbedded each and every comment and memory of that day in my mind...I would have hugged her harder and much much much longer.

I remember so many things about that day and I know I hugged her with my entire heart because I did that everytime I saw her. We all sat around and played a game, which took hours of course. I don't recall what the game was called, but it had something to do with writing down the first thing that came to mind. I remember we were supposed to write down what we would name our monster if we had one and my mom and I both wrote down the same thing. I can't recall 100%, but I am 99% sure that we both wrote down Harry. It's funny that out of everything that probably went on that day, that was the one thing that really stuck out in my mind. Who would have thought that day was going to be the last time I saw my mom? I sure didn't.

I really don't think it ever gets easier as time passes when you lose someone so special to you. I think it just gets different. Your life changes. The way things used to be aren't the way they are now. It will never feel complete at family gatherings, and I guarentee I'm not the only one wishing Mom was here or thinking Mom would have said this..... I guess that's why God gave us the wonderful ability to adapt. If you don't adapt to the changes in your life or the things around you...you are stuck behind and risk missing out on all the good things to come. But on days like this I really don't want to adapt. In fact, I want to go back to when my mom was still alive. I want to take my kids out to the farm and have her run out to greet them. I want to be able to call her with every little question I have about anything and everything or hear words of encouragement and hope. I want to see her kiss my girls on their necks like she always did, because that was her favorite place to kiss them.

Although I have all these wishes and wants that, undoubtably, won't happen, I do have 27 years I did have her around to celebrate. When I'm wondering why and getting angry and sad that she is gone it's a struggle to really look back and appreciate those years because they just seem to have been cut way too short.

Potty Training

It was finally time to take on potty training. Life had been so hectic that, although Libby had shown interest in potty training, the "right time" had not come along. First came the arrival of Jade and I just couldn't put in the time and attention that was needed for potty training with a new baby. Then came our move back to Nebraska, which could have been too stressful for her to handle along with potty training, and last came the holidays, which truthfully, I just didn't want to start until afterwards. So, for about a month prior to Christmas we started telling Libby that after Christmas she was going to be too big for diapers and we wouldn't have any that fit her. Our thinking was the more we talked about her wearing big girl panties, the easier the transition would be. So Christmas came and passed and when we got back home from "out West", we went straight to potty training just like we had talked about.
The first day didn't go well, but I really didn't have high expectations. I was pretty worried though because she would go potty in her underwear and it didn't even seem to bother her. Day two came and it was the same story...what was I going to do?!?! So day three came and I decided that she would go around naked.....it worked. She didn't like that. By day four she had come leaps and bounds and we were on the right track.
Overall, the experience has been pretty smooth, but no one ever told me that potty training and poop training were two different tasks. Although she still has accidents with potty training, overall she is doing great. Now we just need to figure out poop. Not sure if it is scary or what the deal is, but she just doesn't want to go poop in the toilet and I'm tired of cleaning up poopy underwear....YUCK!

Change

Wow...the last time I checked in we were in Kansas City enjoying a weekend with family and things were normal....boy did things change since then. I was still working at the attorney's office Monday-Thursday 9:00-2:30, while my kids were spending time at Melissa's, my daycare miracle. I call her that because I was so blessed to have found her to watch my kids. She is an amazing woman with 4 girls of her own and a husband that is a police officer...and he helped watch kids as well. Libby loved going to Melissa's house and Jade was just starting to show her personality. Brett was still working at J.E. Dunn and the girls were growing so fast. By September-October all that had changed.

Brett decided that working at J.E. Dunn was just not where he saw himself for the long-haul. Although a great company to work for, there was something missing. We knew someday we wanted to move back to Nebraska to raise our family, but truly didn't think it would happen so suddenly. We decided to put our house up for sale, move back to Nebraska and start a whole new life. So, we packed everything up and moved in with my dad and my brother John. We were so thankful to have a place to stay until we sold our house in Kansas City as there was no way were going to be able to pay our mortgage as well as the rent for another place. Moving back home was both exciting and nerve racking. I enjoyed my time there; however, I was anxious to get into my own place again so we could establish some sort of routine with the girls.

Brett started working for a trucking company. He was home everyday (no over-the-road) and always home on the weekend. He was in the process of discovering whether he wanted to be a "truck driver". This wasn't the first time he had talked about being a truck driver to me. I can recall a time or two when he mentioned it before we were even married, so I just told him I would support him in whatever he decided. Two weeks after starting the job they informed him they were shutting down numerous routes, his being one of them, and by the end of January his job would no longer exist. Truthfully, I was pissed...and scared. He left a great paying job (and company) with J.E. Dunn, we put our house up for sale, we moved all of our stuff and two kids back to Nebraska, and we were living at my parents' house....Really?....Are you kidding me? Needless to say, the job search was on, and as most people know, job searching is time consuming and no way you would like to spend your free time...or lack there of, as both girls seem to think they need his full attention. Brett found another job with Thompson Company as a truck driver. With the economy like it is, we knew he had to grab on to pretty much whatever job he could find, so when Thompson Company offered him a job working Monday-Friday he took it...not because he saw himself there forever, but because I wasn't working and he was now the sole provider. He had also discovered that "trucking" was just not the life he wanted to live. That was ok by me....I would just support him as he sole searched. It has been difficult at times, but I try to bite my tongue and just let him figure things out.

We sold our house after about six weeks and everything went smooth, thankfully. Although we lost money on it, it was a HUGE relief to not have to worry about it during the winter. As Brett and I headed to Kansas City to pack up the rest of our belongings, we reminisced about all we had accomplished during the time we lived in KC. We moved all of our stuff back to Nebraska the end of October and luckily we had come to an agreement with one of my brother's friends who owned a house in Aurora, NE. We would be renting his house and things seemed to be falling into place...better than I had imagined.

Poor Brett hated his job with Thompson Company, so after the holidays he decided to job search once again. Still not sure exactly what he wanted to do the rest of his life, he decided to apply with BNSF Railroad in Alliance, NE and at the new Ethanol Plant in Aurora, NE. Both jobs offered him a job and now we had a decision to make. The Railroad offered outstanding benefits and pay, while th Ehtanol Plant offered great benefits as well, but considerably less pay. After much debate, Brett ultimately decided that being able to spend time with his family was more important than money (I agreed), so he took the job at the Ethanol Plant. He is scheduled to start that job about mid-March so until then, he will be working at Thompson Company.

Family, Wine and Games

Last Wednesday night I was frantically trying to do a quick clean. I decided that having less toys would help with space, considering we would be welcoming 4 adults and 2 children, ages 1 and 9 months, to our 3 bedroom 2 bath house. It takes some strategic thought when trying to decide where everyone is going to stay. My oldest brother, his wife and their 9 month old would stay in our basement, my sister-in-law and her one-year-old would stay in Jade's room, my dad would stay in Libby's room, Jade would stay in the room with my dad and Libby had the best place in the house....well, in her eyes. She was staying in our closet, which she called her fort. It took a couple of days to come up with this arrangement, but it seemed to work great.

It is great to be able to spend time with family and this weekend had a couple of great moments I will never forget. Friday night, both of my sister-in-laws, my dad and I headed to a little wine bar to have a couple glasses of wine and then we were headed down the street to eat at an outstanding Mexican restaurant. We ended up having 4 bottles of wine and some fantastic Mexican food with a pitcher of margaritas. The best part was the fact that we were out relaxing have a great time while my brother and my husband were at home with 4 kids ages 2, 1, 9 months 4 months. I will say this...everyone survived.

Saturday night a few of us were supposed to play in a glow-ball tournament, but they didn't have enough teams and so it was cancelled. Instead we played the best game of P & A (Presidents and Assholes)I have ever played. I laughed so hard that my entire face was sore. I will just say this....when you have 5 adults sitting around a table and each person has to make a particular animal sound before they can speak, the laughter just went on and on and on.

Gotta love family! It was definitely a weekend I will never forget.

THE SIMPLE THINGS IN LIFE

The other day we traveled to visit family and I have recently discovered that visiting family takes on a whole new meaning when you have kids. Yes...you still enjoy visiting and "telling lies" to each other; however, when you add kids to the mix, it's a whole new ballgame.

Since it is still 95 degrees or so outside, we decide that we should get out the big blowup water slide / pool. I really have no idea how to describe it except that there is a hose hooked up to it and it shoots water from the top of the slide into this shallow pool-like area. There are foot holes so that you can climb up to the top of a slide. So as I stood watching the kids go down this slide, laughing and giggling like there was nothing better in the world, I couldn't help but wish I was a kid again enjoying the simplist things in life and taking it all in. Your biggest worry is that bedtime is in 10 minutes. Your greatest obstacle is how you are going to eat dessert without first finishing the food on your plate. You wish the phrase "take a couple more bites first" didn't exist. And you worry about what game or toy you are going to play with tomorrow.

I watch Libby's eyes light up as the cold water hits her face. Her cousin, Jack, slides down the slide before she is out of the pool area and in the bottom is an entaglement of legs, feet, arms, and heads. I continue to watch as Libby gets up and laughs as if it's no big deal. The only thing she is thinking about is getting back to the ladder and climbing to the top of the slide only to do it all over and over again. I can't help but notice that I have just witnessed true happiness, and to think it came from something so simple.

"Don't worry about me. Everything is going to be fine"

Both kids are taking a nap. It feels like 120 degrees outside and I'm starting to wonder why I am even sitting outside. Then I realize that, even though it's not the most comfortable weather, I am enjoying sitting by myself on my deck, with only the sound of a mower and locusts singing by the creek. I think about how my life has changed in the past 10 years....4 years....2 years....9 months......and even just in the past 3 months.

Only 10 years ago I was a high school student waiting for graduation day to come so I could "get out of this house". I thought I knew everything, and getting out of my parents' house was my top priority and could not come fast enough...so I thought.

4 years ago I was graduating college and getting married to the man of my dreams. We were moving to Kansas City, Missouri and although I was excited to venture out of the Nebraska small life, I was also very nervous and sad to move away from my parents. In less than 6 years I went from not being able to get away from my parents fast enough, to not exactly sure I wanted to move even just 4 hours away from them.

2 years ago I was welcoming my first baby daughter, Libby, (7 1/2 lbs) into my life and was once again nervous, excited, and anxious about now taking on the mother-role, while still trying to balance my role as a wife. So many people to please...would I be able to succeed? Funny how I began calling my mom for so much advice. It was only now that I was beginning to realize and appreciate how much my mom meant to me and how she was almost, if not always, right. I think my now daily phone calls to my mom were probably quite humerous to her, as I'm sure she knew one day I would realize that she actually did know what was best for me.

9 months ago my mom was diagnosed with cancer. It was a rare type of cancer which had already spread. I learned a lot about my mom during this time. I learned that she was the strongest woman I knew. I learned that she loved us so much that she worried more about how everyone else was feeling rather than herself. I learned that she had much much much more faith than I EVER thought. I knew my mom was a great believer in God and had faith, but it wasn't until now that I realized that she must have truly been a believer and follower to be able to be the most optimistic person out of everyone, when thinking about the fact that she had cancer and the outlook was not the most optimistic. She never once talked to me about losing the battle....it was ALWAYS about WINING! She always said "don't worry about me. Everything is going to be fine and I'm going to beat this thing". Oh how I held onto those words when she said them, and I believed her becuase she truly believed it too. I often felt guilty for having less faith in her beating the cancer than she did. Especially considering the fact that I don't think she had any doubt she was going to beat it. She was more than ever becoming a role model to me. Yes....she had always been a role model, but I was really starting to see it....take it in.....and thrive to be just like her.

And finally.....(April 6, 2010) only 3 months ago, I welcomed yet another little miracle to my family. Another baby girl, Jade, (8 1/2 lbs). I had hoped to have my mom in the room with me when I gave birth to her, but unfortunatley she was in the hospital again and they were trying radiation now. I now know why mom was always telling me "don't worry about me, everything is going to be fine"....I was listening to her. I was able to concentrate on MY FAMILY and know that, even though my mom was in the hospital, "Don't worry about me. Everything is going to be fine".

April 9, 2010...Ben, Miranda and Mira (my oldest brother, his wife and his little miracle of a daughter) went to visit my mom in the hospital. Of course my dad was there...he was ALWAYS there in the hospital right by her side. She was having a great day and she was finally going to see a picture of my newest addition...Jade. Ben brought pictures up on his computer and I can imagine just how her face lit up with excitement to see yet another one of her grandchildren. Grandchildren were one of the top things she lived for and looked forward to. Ben, Miranda and Mira left the hospital and mom admitted that she was in a great deal of pain and asked my dad to stay with her in the hospital that night.

April 10, 2010...my best girlfriend, my role model, my strength....my Mom......passed away. She did not lose her battle to cancer....she won her battle to meet GOD.

The only way I believe I made it through the next couple weeks of dealing with the death of my mom and having a new born baby, was I had to have gone into a state of shock. My daughter was only 4 days old and we were packing the car and headed 4 1/2 hours from Kansas City, Missouri to Polk, Nebraska. Nothing seemed real...I was just focusing on my new baby. "Don't worry about me. Everything is going to be fine". Those are the saving words that kept running through my head. The long ride home, the visitation, and the funeral....those words are what kept me strong. Those words are what continue to keep me strong.

June 25, 2010 - July 4, 2010: I was heading home (mom and dad's house) for the first time since my mom's funeral. I was nervous, anxious, and scared. I didn't know how I would react. I had been so strong through everything. I was nervous that I was going to have a breakdown...I was prepared to have a breakdown; however, 30 minutes from "home" my two year old (Libby) pukes all over herself, so instead of giving my brain time to think about the loss of my mom and how different the house was without her there, and how i wasn't going to see her walking out of the house with that big smile on her face and straight over to Libby when we arrived. Instead I spent my first hours "home" cleaning up Libby, my car, and her carseat. Once again it seemed that mom had preoccupied my mind with MY FAMILY rather than the sadness and loss of her. That week spent with my dad was wonderful and just when I was settling in and beginning to think of how different the house was...I was having to take both my kids to the doctor for pink eye and what may have turned into strep throat for Libby. If that's not enough, I was calling the very next day for drops for my eyes...busy busy busy with MY FAMILY.

During my visit "home" that week, Libby was drawn to the pictures of my mom...grandma to Libby. Honestly, I did not expect Libby to remember her, so when I caught her on video playing the piano then stoppin to look at a picture of my mom, Libby, and I, it really took me by surprise. As I stood video taping her with my camera, I was about to become a little more amazed. She pointed to a picture of me and said mama and then her attention was drawn to grandma. She said grandma, which sounded more like "ama" over and over while touching grandma in the picture. Libby was also drawn to a picture of my mom that sat on the floor below the tv. I caught her numerous times going to the picture saying "ama" and kissing it. I would say..."Libby, do you know where grandma is? She's in Heaven". I would say this as I pointed up to the sky. If that wasn't enough to make my heart melt...in the kitchen, hanging on mom's wine rack, was a chain with a picture of the Saint Mary hanging from it. I watched as Libby would continuously go to that necklace, take it in her hand and say "ama"...."ama".

So I thought...how did I make it through my first visit "home"? Now I know....."Don't worry about me. Everything is going to be fine".